Udaiyaathathu by Drima Chakraborty

Trigger Warning: Rape


I. NEVERENDING

You say you were raped when,

upon finding out you were queer, this boy decided you

had to be turned. Upon

finding out you were bleeding, decided he’d had

enough. You told your friends not to beat him up, finding

him and getting your bloody underwear back was good enough.

And you should have kept your mouth sewn shut about him,

held your fists clenched tight about him and,

just maybe, not lied. Stop making up stories, or they’ll be held

against you. Or— wait a second. Just

have to ask you, did it work? When he pressed himself against

you and tore you open: there’s just one question I have.

And so, did you enjoy it? Do you—

boy oh boy, do you like dick now? And

when are you going to kill yourself for trying to ruin the life of this poor boy?

 

II. THE END

When I was 18, I was raped at a

party, because the sex stopped being alright when

this boy I just met whispered threats in my ears. It was a party

until he found out I was queer and figured he alone could change this,

fuck me into believing that men/dick/men/he/dick/he was better, until

I was drunk enough to lose my bearings, be ripped open. Fuck

me into silence. Yet, no matter what the police said about drinking, I

didn’t cause it, I know after a year of reassurance, it was not my fault, and

no amount of Internet trolling can make me recant that I didn’t

want to be left bloody, not knowing where I was. No

amount of telling me I’m faking it could make me forget that I didn’t want

to be rendered unable to move, to get out of bed, for four days. The amount

of blood I shed may not compare to the tears I did, but to

deny me my narrative does you no good, for you deny the story of

a survivor who is now ok, who will be ok, whom history shall not deny.

Drima Chakraborty

Drima Chakraborty

Drima Chakraborty is a genderfluid Indian living in Singapore. They are currently studying English Literature at the National University of Singapore and think they must be horribly boring if work and play intermingles so frequently in the form of poetry for them. Nevertheless, they also like playing video games and political activism. They can be found under the handle "drimachuck" at most places, from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram to Tumblr.​​ They are an editor for Coffee Stained Press and curate the Twitter account for Persephone's Daughters.
Drima Chakraborty

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  • Rosie Sandler

    This is so powerful and disturbing, Drima – a wonderful piece.